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Friends! Today is a special day on Antinomian.com, because, for the first time, I offer you goods as well as services! A recent blog entry at quylob.net, when parsed by my unicode-challenged RSS reader, came out as “I (box symbol) Wesley Clark.” I found this way too amusing, and replied to the post as such. Anyway, one thing led to another and I decided that I wanted a shirt with this accidental slogan. While I was at it, I figured, I’d make a few other oddly symbolic shirts and offer them to the general public at a low, low price! And so, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you:

MY WEIRD SHIRTS!!!

All your favorite Democratic hopefuls are there, each proudly emblazoned with their own meaningless symbol! Here’s your chance to tell the world how you really feel in a sleek, post-modern stylee. During the design process, I also happened to catch a few minutes of the State of the Union address, and was reminded what a couple of tools George W. Bush and Rick Santorum (among others) really are. I mean, did you see that whole like, 15 minute part towards the end, where Bush basically just told gays, liberals, teenagers and anyone else who might be capable of enjoying sex to go fuck themselves (not literally, of course!) while he and his limp-dick cronies preserved the “sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman?” And then they cut to Santorum in the audience, looking happy as a clam to be singled out as Public Bigot #1! So, anyway, I went ahead and created some Bush and Santorum shirts too. Rick’s features a nice poo-colored blob, in accordance with the excretion which bears his name, and the President’s shirt includes a lovely rendering of “The Shocker!” Wear them proudly people, because free speech is your most fundamental right. Innit?

Is the question posed by Brighton spaz-rockers “Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster” on their new single, “Mister Mental” (mp3). Imagine Electric Six with the ironic-ness dial turned down (slightly) from 11, and you’ll kind of have their sound. Or just, you know, download the track and check it out. Whatevs =P

Well, I was going to start off this post by claiming that this story was an outright fabrication, but some further research has corroborated the Sun’s allegation. Still, there plenty of questions to be answered. For instance, while the coroner, Michael Howells, states the victim was “free from disease” and etc. we are left in the dark re: the specifics of his death. Did he have a history of heart ailments? Asthma? Uncontrollable falling down? We just don’t know.

Furthermore, we have no way of knowing whether the cannibis had been tainted by any other chemical agents. Urban legend certainly supports the occurrence of marijuana laced with PCP or Crystal Meth (among other things), and even such reputable institutions as the US and Mexican Government have admitted to tampering with God’s good herb (you… Human Paraquat! =) So before you run off claming death by THC poisoning, Mr. Howells, you’d better investigate some other possibilities. Especially when you’re making these claims about a chemical with a LD50 (lethal dose in > 50 % of subjects) way, way, way higher than say… Caffeine! (THC has a LD50 = 666 mg/kg orally in rats, while Caffeine’s is only 192 mg/kg.)

In larger animals (dogs and monkeys specifically) researchers have been _unable_ to deliver a lethal dose orally. (And not for lack of trying! In a study comissioned by the President and Congress in 1970, they went so far as to administer 3000 mg/kg doses orally without fatality in many animals!) The same study contained a case study on “Very Heavy, Very Long-Term Cannabis Users” which basically concluded that, “Yeah, they’re pretty fucked up, but it’s not killing them.” (Incidentally, Nixon was understandably P.O.ed about having paid for this report, and was heard to remark, “You know it’s a funny thing, every one of the bastards that are out for legalizing marijuana is Jewish. What the Christ is the matter with the Jews, Bob, what is the matter with them? I suppose it’s because most of them are psychiatrists, you know, there’s so many, all the greatest psychiatrists are Jewish.”)

So anyway, to get back to my point, while it’s certainly tragic that this 6-joint-a-day smoker ended up dead, I’d be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that it wasn’t pot alone that killed him, QED.

Awhile ago, a friend of mine put forth the proposition that if you looked at the poster for Last Samurai, it looked like Tom Cruise was getting beheaded. We all laughed at the time, but now this information has come to light. Could it be true? Is Tom dead??!

Ivan Brunetti is the web designer for Columbia College!