Somewhere in America:
“Hoo boy! That last presidential election sure was a close one. You realize we came a couple hundred votes from having a tree-hugging, cheese-eating, pot-smoking hippie in the White House? I mean, shit! All I can say is, it’s a damn good thing those Democrats are so fuckin’ crazy for abortions or they might have had enough votes to tip the scale!”
OK, so maybe that’s not a real quote, but it’s a pretty good summation of the argument being presented in this article from the Wall Street Journal. Basically, the author claims that since liberal Democrats have historically been more likely to have abortions than their Republican counterparts, they’ve robbed themselves of literally millions of cute, cuddly little future voters. Of course this “grim irony” is lost on liberals, debauched as they are in a sea of sex, drugs and social welfare programs. For some reason, I’m reminded of last week’s Onion interview with Mike Judge, in which he describes his latest film project:
The basic premise is that most science fiction shows the future as being more civilized or more intelligent, and that’s just not the way we’re headed. Like, if someone made a movie in the late ’50s about the year 2004, it probably wouldn’t have had The Maury Povich Show, and gangs, and whatever. So this starts out as a documentary about how the people who are reproducing the fastest are guys who are too lazy to put on a rubber, and lots of highly educated people are waiting until they’re 40 to have a kid, and then having one or none. It’s kind of a sleeper movie about how, 400 or 500 years from now, a guy who’s your average dumbass today is the smartest person in the world.
So yeah… Word up to the bright, shining future of state-controlled reproductive rights. It always works out so fucking great!