sound, fury, etc.
You can make your own, too. Send me a copy, and I’ll post it in the comments or something! (You can save a copy by clicking the “Print Screen” key on your keyboard, and then pasting the results into Photoshop or MS Paint on a PC. On Mac, I believe that you have to press some combination of the control, shift and “3″ keys and then it will save a file out to your desktop)
Oh man, this is getting good… You may recall the prior discussion on the INDUCE act, which targets anyone who might profit by “inducing” (get it? R-D-R-R =P) others (children, specifically) to take part in copyright violation. Basically, it’s an attempt by the Senate (or rather the RIAA lobbyists who are so deep in their pockets that they’ve crawled up their assholes and come out their mouths in the form of legislation) to establish a framework whereby peer-to-peer networks can be held liable for the actions of their members.
The argument goes something like this: Everyone wants something for free, and the only thing preventing widespread petty theft (and rape, murder, etc. for that matter) is the ever-present threat of punishment. Hooray for the Police! Anyway, the rise of P2P nets has everyone in the plastic-disc industry running around like Chicken Little, because now our nation’s latent thievery can no longer be policed by burly security guards asking “suspicious looking” kids to turn out their pockets as they exit Sam Goody or Best Buy. And not only are these misfits going un-harassed over their alleged larceny, but there are actually virtual ne’er-do-wells out there actively encouraging them to indulge their criminal desires!
So yeah… You can see how someone who makes their millions by ripping off musicians and other creative types would get bent out of shape by all this. And boy are they flaming mad. They’ve tried suing people individually, but this turned out to be some bad PR, what with the acussing elderly women of pirating hundreds of hip-hop songs and whatnot. They’ve even taken out whole P2P companies (or convinced them to toe the party line), but the file-sharing JUST… WON’T… STOP!!! (Of course, neither will the CD and DVD sales, but they’d prefer if you don’t pay attention to that).
At any rate, rather than admit they’re licked and find a way to make filesharing an integral part of their business plan (as with Record Albums, Casette Tapes, VCRs, Compact Discs and etc.) the entertainment industry has decided to continue pursuing the path of litigation (as with Record Albums, Casette Tapes, VCRs, Compact Discs and etc.) And they will not rest until the very concept of P2P networks has been criminalized!
Small problem however… We went through all this bullshit 20 years ago when Universal Studios sued Sony over it’s BETAMAX VCR. The VCR allowed consumers to (get this!) record and transport broadcast television! Or even make copies of mass-produced videotapes! (And as we all know, this is what led to the downfall of the studio system and the rise of independant films as America’s lone source of motion-picture entertainment, but I digress…) So anyway, the case eventually got to the Supreme Court, which ruled against Universal, basically stating that, “American consumers were not violating copyright laws when they time-shifted television with their VCRs. [And] that Sony was not violating copyright laws by selling VCRs, even though some people might use them to infringe copyrights.”
And this seemed like a pretty reasonable decision. After all, we can still buy guns in America, despite their obvious potential for abuse. “Snack-size” Ziploc baggies are still legal, even though, historically speaking, they’ve transported way more marijuana than they have snacks. Generally speaking, you’re allowed to buy and sell just about anything you like in the USA, provided you pay the appropriate taxes and promise not to actually do anything illegal with it (Is this doctrine perhaps where the Texan policy of allowing homosexuality, but forbidding homosexual acts came from?) Sure a savvy police officer (and how many of those have you come across, really?) might follow you home from the Home Depot if he notices that you’ve purchased several feet of PVC pipe and some grow-lights, while wearing a Phish T-shirt, but until you’ve actually made a bong and/or cultivated some weed, you’re allowed to get on with your god-damned plumbing and gardening!
Okay, so we’re about to get to the point of this, hopefully the historical background hasn’t been too mind-numbing (should there have been more pot references, maybe? =). Anyway, here we go… So the INDUCE act (or IICA as it’s been re-titled, as to appear less sinister) is currently being debated by Congress (Or rather, a congressional sub-committee that will decide whether or not the act is slimy and vague enough to satisfy the Hollywood lobbyists, but reasonable enough to sneak by the Supreme Court, should it’s constitutionality be challenged [which it almost certainly would, based on the precedents established in “The BETAMAX Decision”]). The act is getting some support from key members of Congress, and at a hearing recently, the US Register of Copyrights, Marybeth Peters, came right out and said what’s been on everyone’s mind from day one, namely that the goal of this act is to straight-up re-write the rules established by BETAMAX! All previous joking on the parts of myself and The EFF aside, these fucks really do want to enact legislation that will make it possible to outlaw the iPod! (And any other devices that fail to comply with government-decreed anti-piracy measures, i.e. TiVos, Video Capture Cards, Pocket Voice Recorders, the list goes on…) Anyway, unless anyone has a couple million in soft money lying around, we’re going to have to take this on the old fashioned way… Writing a letter to our elected representatives! But don’t worry about buying stamps, there are several sites out there that will gladly help you get in touch with your DC-buddies via fax, phone and/or email. As follows:
So that’s it basically. Just another long-winded rant about the C.R.E.A.M. Thanks for your patience. Please drive through…
I suppose I should explain the subject line of this post before I leave… If you check out this guy’s site you’ll see a hypothetical sampling of items that could be found in violation of the INDUCE act, thanks to it’s remarkably vague and weasel-y wording. Among them? Some children’s toys and software products, since they could be used to make illegal representations of copyright works! You drew a pretty picture of a soda bottle in Kindergarten? Back the fuck up, Junior! That shit belongs to PepsiCo now!! =)
And they may be headed for Washington DC. There they will join the ranks of teams founded and named in one location, and then transplanted to someplace that makes their name, ironic, laughable or just plain weird. (I mean, I guess it was pretty weird to name a team after an “Exposition” in the first place, and to pluralize it, no less.) My personal favorites for displaced team names? Probably The Utah (nÈe New Orleans) Jazz. Very ironic, since as we all know, Utah is probably the least jazziest state in the Union. The LA (nÈe Minneapolis) Lakers are another good example. Lakes in Minnesota, quite abundant; lakes in Los Angeles, pretty thin on the ground. The NHL’s Minnesota North Stars moved to Dallas, where they became “The Stars” (Does anyone know why they didn’t become “The Lone Stars?” Because that would have seemed to be a pretty obvious thing to do!) Those are the only particularly funny ones that come to mind, have I missed any?
(nb: we would also have accepted “The Yanks” as one of Pee Wee’s favorite teams)
Most folks who know a thing or two about Ben Folds have heard that he’s been holed up in a studio someplace, working feverishly to finish the new album. Not his album… William Shatner’s album! That’s right, kids. You’ll have to wait until 2005 for the next chapter in the “Fred Jones” saga. =) In the meantime, however, we can enjoy the first fruit of the Shat/Folds project. Ridiculously enough, it’s a cover of “Common People” by Pulp! An excellent choice of material, as Shatner’s “talk-singing” styles are not too far removed from the “talky bits” in Jarvis Cocker’s oeuvre. Which brings me to my point. It’s awesome to hear the Cap’n belt out “Common People” but wouldn’t it have been so much better to hear him take on “I Spy?” I mean, just imagine it:
You see you should take me seriously, very seriously indeed. ‘Cos I’ve been sleeping with your wife for the past 16 weeks, smoking your cigarettes, drinking your brandy, messing up the bed that you chose together. And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon, and catch us at it in the front room. You see I spy for a living and I specialise in revenge, on taking the things I know will cause you pain. I can’t help it, I was dragged up. My favourite parks are car parks, grass is something you smoke, birds are something you shag. Take your “Year in Provence” and shove it up your ass.
Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t complain, any Pulp/Shat (I just love making those conjunctions!) is better than none. And I’m sure the rest of the album, featuring Ben Folds’ original compositions, will be awesome as well!
A humorous note for the Pulp fans here. In searching for a site with lyrics to “I Spy” I came across a pretty hilarious transcription, as follows: “Imagining a blue plaque above the place I first ever felt a girl’s breasts, the whole ‘nana. You’ve got to wait for the best.” Really? Cause I was pretty sure he was saying, “But hold on, you’ve got to…” =)
A few random links have been floating around in the “To be posted” part of my brain for awhile now, but I hadn’t been able to figure out exactly the right tone for the post… Until now! So here we go:
First, I was at Starbucks on Monday, and I saw a copy of the Red Eye (Chicago’s local-paper equivalent of Cosmo/Maxim) lying around. The cover was (as you can see) pretty eye-catching, so I picked it up to see if the cover article would offer any stimulating or insightful commentary on the whole “Media distortion of the female body image” issue. Or, you know… to see if there would be any more pictures inside. (There was, FYI =) Anyway, the article did contain a pretty fantastic quote from one of the covergirls, which I’ll share with you here: “I love them! Sometimes I like to just sit there and hold them.” And I’m sure you can figure out what the pronouns in that quote are referring to. I was struck by her honesty, and then I thought to myself, “Maybe guys and girls aren’t so different after all.” =) So anyway, I had that quote in mind as I was reading this article, about the psychological problems faced by soldiers in the Iraqi conflict. Here, a soldier remarks: “The first time I shot someone, it was the most exhilarating thing I’d ever felt.” Again, not the kind of thing you’d expect an ostensible “peace-keeper” to say, on the record, but as with the young lady from the previous article, I find his honesty both surprising and amusing. (Somewhat less amusing is a quote from another soldier, in the same article: “Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. It’s like it pounds at my brain. I’ll figure out how to deal with it when I get home.” Although, I guess it is sort of amusing that he could say something so creepy, probably without intending to.) So anyway, surgeons and pyschologists alike are, of course, up in arms about both the teen implant craze, and the crazed soldier stuff. Perhaps we should consider the long-term consequences, they warn, but nobody seems to listen. Instead, the media pretty much sleeps on the psycho soldiers, in favor of an investigative photo essay on the authenticity of Lindsey Lohan’s rack (or something to that effect). And the beat goes on…
You’ll all remember the prior discussion of the whole “Guys/Girls Gone Wild” phenomenon (antinomian.com’s most heavily trafficked discussion ever, I might add), and since there seems to be so much interest in the topic, I decided that this follow-up piece warranted a whole new post. I also decided that, rather than subject my readers to Salon.com’s day-pass program (you have to watch a little flash commercial to see the article), I’d just copy the text and post it on my own site. Sure, it may be illegal, but so is about 95% of the stuff that professors photocopy for their classes, so I’ll take my chances. Anyway, here’s a little teaser from the full article, I couldn’t resist posting it to take a cheap shot at my friends from “The Garden State”:
Do you think they shave themselves? Or shave each other? I bet Jersey guys are the ones to ask. They’re like gay guys except they’re straight. You know, they tuck in their shirts.
Another funny thing about Jersey guys (while I’m at it)? They are way over-represented on MTV’s Room Raiders… Way, way, way over-represented… =)
Oh waitaminute. That post title is a bit of a typo, actually. It was supposed to read “Dome, Baby!” As in Geodesic dome. This week the United States Postal Service introduces a stamp commemorating the life of the dome’s creator, R. Buckminster Fuller. Of course, “Bucky” was noted for a great many non-dome-related inventions and ideas as well. Among the, the Dymaxion car (1933), intended to carry large groups of passengers in crowded urban environments while using a minimum of fuel. Also, it looked cool (see below).
Here’s a little background on his Dymaxion bathrooom (1936):
All the appliances, pipes, and wires are built-in, limiting on-site construction to mere hook-up. With the sections bolted together, the interior has no germ-harboring nooks, crannies, grout cracks or anything that can rot. Large-radius corners make germicidal swabbing easy and complete. Downdraft ventilation draws fumes and steam to the undersink vent. Both sink and (deep) bath-shower are arranged to ease the care of children and seniors. The mirror doesn’t steam up, the sink doesn’t splatter, and the toilet paper stays dry.
This may sound eerily familiar if you’ve been to Japan, or you know… in a camper. (It’s also worth noting that I had a very similar idea years before I’d even heard of Buckminster Fuller! I think I was cleaning my bathroom at the time. =) Concluding the “Dymaxion” trilogy was the Dymaxion house (1946). Not much needs to be said about this that couldn’t be implied from his other works. It was cheap, efficient and ready for mass-production.
Why all the emphasis on efficiency, cost and etc.? Well, Fuller had grown up during a period of rapid technological innovation (radio, the Wright brothers, atomic physics, etc.) and realized that (in his own words):
We are blessed with technology that would be indescribable to our forefathers. We have the wherewithal, the know-it-all to feed everybody, clothe everybody, and give every human on Earth a chance. We know now what we could never have known before-that we now have the option for all humanity to make it successfully on this planet in this lifetime. (You can read more about Fuller’s politics at The Buckminster Fuller Institute)
So yeah, buy a stamp and send a letter to the White House. Tell them maybe we should spend a little less on “defense” and more on building cool-ass domes and shit. And take a listen to this MC Paul Barman track too. (He drops a geodesic dome rhyme in there, but you’ll have to pay attention, cause he moves pretty fast! =)
You may think that as a college-radio-station music director, that your album cover, taste-making comments i.e. “This is Shit. Don’t Play It” will never be impugned. And you’d probably be right! Unless, that is, you invite the subject of those words to appear live on one of your shows… And he stumbles across his album in your stacks… And he’s fucking Method Man! Just ask former WNUR station manager, Michael Schneider, about his brush with Method…
(link via Defamer)
That’s what one of my co-workers used to shout out when he nailed somebody in Half-Life (or Counterstrike, technically, if you want to split hairs about it =) See, I used to work at a cyber-cafe in college. Pretty glamorous, right? Serving Giga-Lattes and Digi-Biscotti to posh, young urbanites, as they check their email or rush to meet the deadline on their freelance graphic design gig? Well, maybe that’s the way things will go down in the smash-hit NBC sitcom version of my life, but in reality, things were much stinkier.
Our store was divided between “home office” workstations in the front and “gaming” stations in the back. This seemed like a reasonable setup, since gamers tend to be a little bit rowdier than folks using Hotmail or Microsoft Excel. Keep the two crowds isolated, and everyone goes home happy! Oh, except… Waitaminute… Did I say “a little bit rowdier?” Try “mental-hospital-just-ran-out-of-thorazine” rowdier!! The guy shouting “WHORE!!” after every kill (And he was doing this on break, in uniform, loud enough for everyone in the store, including the “home office” customers to hear)? He was the least of my problems. Kids were stealing from their parents to pay for access time (not that I could prove this, but I had my well-founded suspicions), cutting school, and swearing like Dick Cheney in there, and I was not getting paid to be their babysitter.
Of course, I was also not getting paid to physically bar them from entry or give a shit one way or the other about them either , so I basically just let them do whatever the hell they wanted, short of arson or murder. It was pretty entertaining, and every once in awhile, I’d overhear a rare gem of an insult (my favorite: “Oh yeah, well at least I don’t give blow-jobs to my Grandma!!”), that made the whole thing worthwhile.
Now this was all fine and dandy, and I was perfectly content to sit there serving up jumbo Mountain Dews to these monsters (I was going to say little monsters, but some of them were 16 and bigger than me =), but of course, this would have been too easy. The “home office” customers were constantly complaining about “noise levels,” the cursing, and pretty much all the other crap the kids were doing. And it would seem, at first, that these folks occupied the moral high-ground in this dispute. (It would seem that way until you realize that “home office” was, more often than not, a euphemism for “porn viewing” or “software pirating!”) And, so anyway… It “became” part of my job to negotiate between the two user factions, keeping both sides pacified, while also trying to sell new customers on the “smash-hit, NBC sitcom” version of the store.
So when I read about new cyber-cafe legislation in Los Angeles requiring cafes to eliminate closed booths, install security cameras and bar minors during school hours, I totally understand where the lawmakers are coming from. And I can imagine that if there had been any “real world” violence at or around my cyber cafe, as described in the article, I’d probably feel even more strongly about things. That being said, I’m still not sure this legislation will really help the situation, as it seems like just another example of parents passing the buck for the education and discipline of their children. And make no mistake… Despite whatever technical skills these kids may be picking up while killing each other in 3D, they could still use a little good, old-fashioned book-learning. Just ask Wesley Thompson, age 14, of Northridge, CA. When asked why the cyber-cafes are so popular, Wesley replied: “Most people can’t afford computers that work this good.” Indeed, Wesley… Indeed. I couldn’t have said it any gooder myself!
Looks like men will no longer be the only ones bored and stupified by the “Gone Wild” series of DVDs and videocasettes. The franchise is an equal opportunity exploiter now, thanks to the new “Guys Gone Wild” entry in its catalog! Of course, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for any “hot guy on guy action, back in their hotel rooms,” cause as we all know… That shit is totally Gross! Just ask Producer Joe Francis:
“While I’ve always realized there is a market for ‘Guys Gone Wild,’ I just couldn’t bring myself to sit and edit footage of naked guys. No offense.”
So grossed out was Joe by the thought of naked guys that he actually cut into his profits for the video by hiring an editor to sequence the offending clips together! It’s sad really when you think about it. The guy can’t get turned on by other men, and I’m sure editing all those “Girls Gone Wild” tapes has left a bitter taste in his mouth, re: Women, so what’s left for Joe Francis? To paraphrase Billy Corgan, I guess all he has left is, “his music, his legions of fans, his million of dollars and his youth…. Woo-hoo!”
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