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Hooray for America, it’s the obligatory Republican National Convention post! The Republicans are the party that stands for traditional American family values… Like Threesomes! (nb. in keeping with the party’s history of homophobia and misogyny, this applies only to girl-girl-guy threesomes or guy-guy-girl threesomes where the dudes don’t touch, look at, or otherwise acknowledge each other). But anyway, enough with the cheap jokes about libidinous conservative lobbyists and their “do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do-ism” There are dozens of other issues at stake in this fall’s presidential election, and now is the time for Americans to perform their civic duty by educating themselves about the decision they will face on November 2nd. For instance, should George Bush be elected to a second term as president, conservatives will see this as a mandate for the passage of their “No Hott Girl on Girl Action (Unless We Can Watch)” constitutional amendment. So get out there and vote girls, lest your right to conduct naked pillow fights in the privacy of your own home be impugned! But please, don’t let my opinions influence you! We all know that America is home to a veritable smorgasbord of different kinks and proclivities, and if your sexual politics hang further to starboard, then other issues may take precedence in your decisions. One issue that the right can rally round this year is that of bondage. Whether it’s blindfolding and “electro-stimulation” or Guard/Prisoner role-playing that cranks your gears, a vote for Bush will help ensure ample opportunities to indulge your fetish. So voice your choice America, and don’t be afraid of some good-natured debate, because all that conflict can only lead to one thing: Steamy, post-election make-up sex! And, to paraphrase Voltaire: “I may not agree with (or understand) your desire to invade a sovereign nation, detain and molest its citizens, but I will defend to the death your right to vote for those who condone it…”

UPDATE: Never mind about all that, actually. It turns out that no matter who you vote for, all your vote are belong to Diebold. See you in Canada! =P

UPDATE II: It runs on Access!?! WTF? It says like, IN THE ACCESS FAQ on microsoft.com: “Do not use this for mission-critical applications.” Now I’ll admit that I’ve bent that rule on occasion, but I was maybe building a distance learning app or a email newsletter database. Perhaps MS should have included a further proviso: “Do not use this on applications that could determine the future of the free world.”

Rivers says (of his post-Pinkerton adventures):

At first, I maintained a relatively normal social life, playing and coaching soccer and continuing my classical piano studies with Bruce Sutherland. Eventually, however, I became more and more isolated. I unplugged my phone. I painted the walls and ceiling of my bedroom black and covered the windows with fiberglass insulation. I disciplined myself to the extreme. My goal was to purge myself of all weakness so that I could write “perfect” songs as reliably as a machine.

Also…

I now read these spiritual teachings as coded instructions for how to connect with my musical creativity. For example, when Hafiz says, “Self-Effacement is the emerald dagger you need to plunge deep into yourself upon this path to …God”, I read it as “Self-Effacement is the emerald dagger you need to plunge deep into yourself upon this path to Musical Creativity.” Like this, I just replaced the word God wherever I saw it. I had discovered a new path. I believed that this path was what I had been waiting for. {Read more…}

Oh yeah, and he also says that they’ve started from scratch on the 5th album again. Perhaps the machine he’s trying to emulate has got Sasser? =)

But better than nothing, hopefully. You’re all aware how fond I am of puns and plays on words. Today I’ve been reading some auto repair forums and it seems that most people there use “tranny” as a shortened form of “Transmission.” In and of itself, this isn’t too funny, but when you consider what people in some other forums use “Tranny” as slang for, then the following post titles are somewhat humorous:

• Removing tranny dipstick
• Tranny trouble
• Tranny needs replacement
• Strange tranny behaviour
• mystery tranny leakage…

The list goes on and on…

I’m sure many of you already know this, so forgive me this dispatch from the land of the obvious, but Norman Mailer is hell of smart! I’d like to read some of his stuff sometime, and I’m pretty surprised that I haven’t been instructed to do so during my many years of schooling. I’m not too shocked though, since I gather he’s not too well liked by members of the feminist literary theory persuasion, and in my “AP” high school English classes, we spent a great deal of time “outside the canon,” as it were. So, I can tell you fools all about Jane Smiley and Anne Tyler, but I’ve got a blank spot when it comes to Mailer, Miller, et al. (We did read “The Crucible,” but since I was going to school during “The End of History” the political implications may have been glossed over a bit. =)

This flash game is really dirty (and really hard! =) but I have to post it, because it reminds me of a classic Achewood strip… Also, the music is strangely mesmerizing =P Anyway, while I’m at it, here’s another great interactive sex-type SWF. The first game is courtesy of Fleshbot the second one is direct from the depths of my own twisted memory (with an assist to Google).