Well here’s something that won’t fly on Metafilter or any of those other places that I’ve been posting to of late, disjointed political rambling! So brace yourself, or ignore it if you like. It is a bunch of loose ends that I’ve been thinking about for awhile, and I’m in the right kind of mood for getting them down before I lose the thread.
First of all, you might be all, “But Eric, I could give a flying fuck about politics!” Or better yet, “That kind of stuff just disgusts me!” Not that this will make any difference, but that attitude is mainly what this post is about. I know a lot of people my age (and slightly older and younger) that feel that way, and while I understand where they’re coming from, I gotta admit it’s a bit troubling. Not on a personal level like, “What’s wrong with you guys?!” But from from the perspective of, “Hm… That can’t be incredibly healthy for our country.” Anyway, I’ve given it some thought, and come up with a grand, unified theory on how things got this way. So now, you can read it and tell me where I’ve made incorrect assumptions or errors in logic.
Chapter I: The 1900’s
This is ancient America. Most people don’t have electricity or phones and are probably still living pretty much the same way that they have for 100+ years. The Civil War was what, 40 years ago? Globally, people are not incredibly concerned with what’s going on over here.
Chapter II: The 1910’s
World War I, wherein Europe is burninated. The US shows up towards the end and helps kick Germany while it’s down. Most Americans didn’t really want any part of this war, but we got involved anyway. This will prove to be a common theme in our story. People are now aware that the US exists, but still not terribly interested in our affairs. Around this time, the idea of “mass production” starts to get serious and the US proves to be pretty good at it. Russia gives socialism a go towards the end of the decade, and most people are pretty ambivalent about the whole thing. Like, even in Kansas, you could be a farmer and say, “I think there are some pretty good ideas in socialism” and not be called a “commie” or a “fag” or whatever.
Chapter III: The 1920’s
Did you ever notice, ever since Europe blowed itself up, things have been going really good? Also, alcohol is illegal now, which is totally awesome for people selling alcohol. There was not a whole lot of political development on the surface of this decade, because the cash and bootleg gin are flowing. It was kind of like the late 1990’s. Doubtless there are some cranky fucks dreaming up doomsday predictions in a basement apartment someplace, but nobody takes them seriously until…
Chapter IV: The 1930’s
Dude, WTF?! Ok, so there was a stock market crash in 1929, but that was hardly the whole story. God, perhaps pissed about booze being forbidden in his name, smites the US heartland with some crap-tacular weather, killing crops and starving millions. Germany, certainly pissed about being stuck with the bill for WWI, decides to just go ahead and print enough cash to pay off their debts; shockingly, this has some bad effects on their currency. Somehow or other, the Jews get fingered for all this, and the plans for their extermination breathe some new life into the German economy. Meanwhile, back in the US, people are getting way into this socialism thing, but something is holding them back from making a commitment. Is it their puritan work ethic, some kind of proto-McCarthyism? I’m not sure, but eventually FDR comes up with the “New Deal,” which is sort of “Socialism Lite” and that seems to work well enough. Taking a cue from Germany, he starts tossing cash all over the place, but manages to contain all the related currency devaluation in a big box, which he cleverly labels “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL THE 1970′S!”
Ok, so I’m pretty tired at this point and this is getting to be a lot longer than I had anticipated. (I was originally going to start in the 1950’s!) So check back tomorrow for the rest of the story. I promise you it gets a lot more interesting in the 1970’s when politics and marketing put their naughty bits together and give birth to the bastard stepchild which is YOUR LIFE! =)