I walked past a biography of D.H. Lawrence in a bookstore the other day, and I was like, “Whoa! I had no idea he was a beardo. He looks like he could be in some emo band!” (See illustration at right). Then today as I was preparing to make this post I figured, “Hmm, I’ll take a look at some of his stuff online…” Now I’m sure he could be in an emo band! I think there must some mystical beardo connection down through the ages that people tap into at various points when they’re gonna write stuff like:
To Women, As Far As I’m ConcernedThe feelings I don’t have I don’t have.
The feelings I don’t have, I won’t say I have.
The felings you say you have, you don’t have.
The feelings you would like us both to have, we neither of us have.
The feelings people ought to have, they never have.
If people say they’ve got feelings, you may be pretty sure they haven’t got them
So if you want either of us to feel anything at all
you’d better abandon all idea of feelings altogether.
Then if your beard gets too long you start writing about, you know, dragons or forest creatures having parties in the trees. If I could just get some more data points I could calculate some kind of function to correlate beard length with lyrical content. I’m sure of it
where does that put zztop?
Once your beard gets past a certain “threshold” length, you quit whining and start to boogie. But ZZ Top never forgot their wuss roots and went out of their way to help out other weenies by lending them the keys to their awesome car, “The Eliminator!”
It just occured to me that I pretty much directly contradicted my initial post’s statement about beard length in my follow-up comment i.e. long beards lead to forest creature songs vs. long beards lead to boogie-rock. I can only attribute this slip up to having not shaved in over 5 days. As the saying goes, “A young beard is not to be trusted.”